Friday afternoon Daniele, my son, started feeling unwell. It seemed like a mild fever, but in the end we ended up at the hospital. It was “scarlet fever.” I thought something that, honestly, I’m ashamed of, but I want to share it to know if I’m the only one who has ever thought this way.
I thought, “Damn, right now? I hope it’s nothing serious because I have too much to do”... I had planned to work the entire weekend, which is something I don’t usually do.
Don’t judge me right away. When I thought that, I believed it was nothing serious.
My team at Essity is on vacation, I’m completely on my own, and therefore I also have to take care of the operational side. This week I also published my book and I wanted to finalize some important things. So by Friday afternoon I was not done with my work.
Despite the tough night with Daniele between Friday and Saturday, the afternoon, he seemed completely fine. It seemed that the worst had passed and, obviously, my first thought went to work and the deadlines I had. I would have worked until late at night, but a voice told me to go to bed early.
I am not very familiar with this voice, but this time I listened.
At 9 PM I was already asleep.
At 4 AM Daniele started feeling much worse and shortly afterward we went to the hospital. Daniele has scarlet fever. A common illness, but a tough and contagious one that must be fought with antibiotics.
He was exhausted, my wife was exhausted, Elena (the little one who is 8 months old) was playing the whole time, unaware and innocent.
If I had worked on Saturday night, ignoring my instinct, honestly, I would not have made it through this weekend.
Honestly, I can no longer manage my time and energy the way I used to. I always have to leave something in the tank. If I run on empty, I seriously risk to stop my engine in the middle of the highway, far from everything, while other cars speed past at 130 km/h without caring about anyone.
I have always had a strong instinct to work, and it shows up in my head making me ask selfish questions. However, I am happy that my instinct as a father (the new voice) is taking up more space and winning the inner battle.
I often felt like a selfish father, but the choices I have made in recent years (including leaving a job that I really loved in order to stay close to Daniele) are bringing me to a different level of acceptance of my life.
I don’t know if you have ever found yourself in a conflict like this, but personally I am starting to feel good about myself, despite the dark circles under my eyes.
My mission is to help innovators gain the visibility they deserve.
But this weekend reminded me of something equally important:
the people who matter most in our lives deserve our presence, too.
Make sure you’re choosing what matters most.
P.s. In the picture I am waiting for my wife to come back with Daniele. I was driving and I had to make 5 or 6 rounds around the area to let Elena fall asleep in the car.